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LAUGH YOUR HEART OUT :-) :-)


On the last day of school, all the students brought their teacher a present. The florist's son brought her flowers. The confectioner's daughter brought her chocolates. The butcher's son brought her a nice, juicy steak. When it came time for the wine maker's son to bring up his present, he was struggling to carry a rather large box. He set it down on the teacher's desk. When it landed, she noticed it was leaking. She touched her finger to the liquid and put it to her lips. "Is it wine?" she asked the boy. "Nope," he replied. She tasted another drop. "Is it champagne?" "Nope," the boy replied again. "Well," she said, "I give up. What is it?" The boy exclaimed, "A puppy!!"


Arz Kiya Hai..... Abhi abhi to pyaar ka pc kiya hai chaaloo
Apne dil ke hard disk pe aur kitani files daaloo

Apne chehare se ruswaai ka error to hatao
Ai jaaneman apne dil ka password to batao
Woh to hum hai jo aap ki chahat dil main rakhate hai
Warna aap jaise softwares to bazaar main bikte hai

Roz raat aap mere sapne main aate ho
Mere pyar ka mouse bana ke ungaliyon pe nachate ho

Tere pyar ka email mere dil ko lubhataa hai
Par bicch main tere baap ka virus aa jataa hai

Aur karvaaoge humse kitnaa intejaar
Hamaare dil ke site pe kabhi enter to maro yaar

Apne insult ka badalaa dekho kaise loonga
Jaaneman tere baap ko shift delete kar doonga

Aapke ke nakhare apne dil pe bang ho gaye
Do pc joodte joodte hang ho gaye

Aap jaiso ke liye dil ko cut diya karte hai
Warna baaki cases main to copy paste kiya karte hai

Aapka hasnaa aap ka chalnaa aap ki woh style
Aapke adaaon ki hamne save hai kar li file



Aisi apni Wife ho..................! :)
5'5" jiski height ho,
Jeans jiski tight ho,
Chehara jiska bright ho,
Weight mein thori light Ho,
Umar me difference slight ho,
Thori see wo quiet ho,
Aise apni Wife ho.

Sadak per sab kahe kya cute ho,
Bhid me sab kahe side ho, side ho,
India ki paidaish ho,
Sas ki seva jiski khwahish ho
Aisi apni Wife ho.

Padosi jab baat kare to haath me knife ho,
Dinner candle light ho,
Dono me na kabhi fight ho,
Milane ke baad dil delight ho,
Hey prabhu teri archana uski life ho.
Yeh kavita padhke sab kahe "Guru, tum right ho",
Aise apni Wifeho.

kaash yeh kalpana .0001 percent bhi right ho
agar aisi apni wife ho
to kya hasin life ho
har kisi ki yahi farmaish ho
kudrat ki bhi aajmaish ho
khudah ke software mein bhi bug ki na gunjaish ho
ay kaash, kahin to ek aisi paidaish ho
aisi apni wife ho.



One day sardarji was sitting in his office on the thirteenth floor of a building when a man came running in to his office and shouted "Santa singh your daughter Preeto just died in an accident" Sardarji was in panic. Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window while comming down when he was near the tenth floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named Preeto. When he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married. When he was about to hit the ground he remembered he was not Santa Singh.


Geography of a Human
Between the ages of 15 - 20 a woman is like Africa.
She is half discovered, half wild.

Between the ages of 20 - 30 a woman is like America.
Fully discovered and scientifically perfect.

Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India & Japan.
Very hot, wise and beautiful.

Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France.
She is half destroyed after the war but still desirable.

Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Germany.
She lost the war but not the hope.

Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia.
Very wide, very quiet but nobody goes there.

Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England.
With a glorious past but no future.

*****************************************************************
Then we have the guys... just to be fair...
*****************************************************************

A guy's life can be described as a train on a railway track.

When they are 20, Every station they want to stop.
When they are 30, They can only stop at one station.
When they are 40, They want to stop but they are not allowed to stop.
When they are 50, They want to stop but they cannot stop.
When they are 60, They can't even start. How to stop?



Three Versions of TajMahal
As a Bachelor
____________________________________

takdir hai, magar kismat nahi khulti
tajmahal banana chahata hoon
lekin mumtaz nahi milti

As a Lover
____________________________________

takdir hai, magar kismat nahi khulti
tajmahal banana chahata hoon,
mumtaz mil gayi hai magar
woh shaadi nahi karti

As a married one
____________________________________

takdir hai, magar kismat nahi khulti
tajmahal banana chahata hoon
lekin mumtaz nahi marti!



Bachelors Ka Silsila
Main Aur mere roommates
aksar Yeh Baatain Karte Hain
Ghar saaf hota to kaisa hota
Main kitchen saaf karta,tum bathrooom dhote
main hall saaf karta, tum balcony dekhte
Log is baat pe hairaan hote
aur us baat pe haste....
Main aur mere roommates ,
aksar Yeh Baatain Karte Hain
Yeh hara bhara sink hai
ya bartanon ki jang chidi hui hai
Yeh colour full kitchen hai
ya masalon se holi kheli hai
Hai farsh ki nayi design
ya doodh,beer se dhuli hui hain
Yeh cellphone hai ya dhakkan,
sleeping bag ya kisika aanchal,
ye airfreshner ka naya flavour hai,
ya trash bag se ati badboo
Yeh pattiyon ki hai sarsarahut
ke heater phirse kharab hua hai
Yeh sonchta hain roommate kab se gum sum -
Ke jab ke usko bhi yeh khabar hai
Ke machar nahi hai, kaheen nahi hai
magar uska dil hai ke kah raha hai
machar yaheen hai, yaheen kaheen hai !
Toand ( pet ) ki ye haalat, meri bhi hai, uski bhi,
dil mein ek tasvir idhar bhi hai, udhar bhi
Karne ko bohot kuch hai magar kab kare hum
Kab tak yoon hi is tarah rahe hum
Dil kahta hai Safeway se koi vaccum cleaner la de
ye Carpet jo jine ko zoonz raha hai, fikwa de
Hum saaf rahe sakte hai, logon ko bata dain,
Haan hum roommates hai - roommates hai - roommates hai
Ab dil main yehi baaaat, idhar bhi hai udhar bhi...



Newly discovered famous Maharashtrians in the world

Here are some personalities whose ancestors left India in search of prosperity,who knows when. These folks came from various parts of Maharashtra and became renowned all over the world. To augment their acceptability in the west, they have adopted western names. Over the course of many generations they have lost track of their roots and motherland. But because of our great efforts, it is our pleasure to inform you that we have rediscovered them and their origin...
Here they are the REAL MAHARASHTRIANS:
|------------------+------------------+---------|
| Adopted Name | Real Name | From |
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
| Jon Bon Jovi | Janya Banya Joshi| Chiplun |
|------------------+------------------+---------|
| Andre Agassi | Audumbar Agashe | |
| | |Ratnagiri|
|------------------+------------------+---------|
| Martina Hingis | Malati Hinginkar | Hingane |
|------------------+------------------+---------|
| Demi Moore | Damayanti More | Malvan |
|------------------+------------------+---------|
| Meg Ryan | Meghana Rane | Malvan |
|------------------+------------------+---------|
| Arnold | Arjun Pune |
| Schwarznegger | Shivajinagarkar | |
|------------------+------------------+---------|
| Darren Gough | Devendra Gadage | Panvel |
|------------------+------------------+---------|
| Sharon Stone | Shevanti Dagadu| Kolhapur|
| | Patil | |
|------------------+------------------+---------|
| Steve Waugh | Sitaram Wagh | Nagpur |
|------------------+------------------+---------|
| Jonty Rhodes | Janoba Rodke | Nashik |
|------------------+------------------+---------|
| Pete Sampras | Purshottam Sampat| Dindoshi|
| | | |
|------------------+------------------+---------|
| Bill Gates | Baal Ghate | Alibaugh|
|------------------+------------------+---------|
| Monica Seles | Menaka Solanki | Jalore |
|------------------+------------------+---------|
| Vladimir Putin | Vallabhrao | Nevasa |
| | Phutane | |
|------------------+------------------+---------|
| Roger Moore | Raju More | Nashik |
|------------------+------------------+---------|
| Borris Becker | Banya Borkar | Pune |
|------------------+------------------+---------|
| Al Gore | Alladh Gore | Mangoan |
|------------------+------------------+---------|
| Shane Warne | Shaane Varne | Latur |
|------------------+------------------+---------|




After all this fun and frolic... How about some test now..
***********************************************************
It is pre-occupations with possessions,more than anything, That prevents us from living freely and nobly.
***********************************************************
This was an important question asked during an interview session by a certain company. The management has actually decided to employ the person who answered this question most appropriately. There was of course no right or wrong in the answer to this question but it all depends on how each individual answered it. Read the question below & think of how you would answer it before you scroll down to see the 'best' answer given by this particular person, who of course got employed. On a dark & stormy night where rain was pouring heavily, wind was blowing wildly, lightening striking & thunder was sounding loudly........ It was 2am late in the night. You were driving a 2-seater car by yourself on a very lonely stretch of the countryside with this terrible storm when you came to a sheltered bus stop. There were 3 people in the bus stop...... 1 was a doctor who saved your life previously when you had a heart attacked. Another was an extremely sick old man who seemed like on the verge of death while the 3rd is the dream of your life, someone whom you always wanted to get to know for a long time! The stormy weather was getting worse & the 3 people in the sheltered bus stop were getting wet from the heavy rain. Lightening continued to strike & thunder roared....... The question is : What would you do in a situation like this? Remember..... you have only a 2-seater car & will not be able to ferry all the 3 people in your car to a more sheltered place. So, what will you do? Ponder over this situation & think of an answer before you scroll down for the supposedly 'best' answer!
.......
.

..
..
.
.
.
.
............
..
.......

These are some standard answers given by some of the interviewees :
a.. "I will drive the sick old man to the nearest hospital since he's dying soon....."
b.. "Since the doctor saved my life before, I'll drive him........."
c.. "Morally, I'll drive the old man since he's on the verge of death or the doctor since he saved my life before. However, for my own welfare & future, I might just drive the dream of my life!"
d.. "It must be fate for me to meet the dream of my life. I'll drive him!"
There are no right or wrong to the above answers, only how the individual perceives the situation. Mostly said they'll drive the old man then followed by the doctor. Several say since the old man's dying & they might not be able to save him by the time he reach the hospital, they might as well drive the dream of their life and secure their future?!!
So, what was the answer that impressed the interviewer so much? This particular person said "I'll get down my car, pass the car key to the doctor to drive the old man to the hospital so he might be able to save him just like he saved me. Then I'll be able to be with the dream of my life together in the sheltered bus stop."
With this answer, that person got the job immediately. As human beings, we are naturally selfish. From all the other answers given, none of them actually thought of giving up their car....... It is not something wrong but at times, our thoughts are too narrow minded & we think mainly for ourselves.
Hope we all learn from this & if your interviewers ask you similar questions, you'll be equipped & be able to answer the questions with ease.